So, today I read about a woman who was diagnosed with the BRCA1 gene in her family. It made me think of my family and my diagnoses. So rather then go into just the specifics I think I'll start with the beginning.
A few years ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, I hate to say it but I was a horrible daughter back then. Although I wasn't scared, I knew she would pull through and I knew this was in my opinion a way to show HER that she needs to take better care of herself. See my mom is like my sister...very kind, considerate and giving. She ALWAYS....almost to a fault puts everyone else before herself and I was looking forward to her being able to be taken care of. Now I didn't do the best job of that, unfortunately I was going through some "crap" we'll say and it's hard to be the caregiver when you have little to give. I have guilt every day and will forever have guilt for the things I didn't do during that time. That being said...she pulled through with the brightest colors of the rainbow and is now looking at reconstruction options. After her treatments she was given the option of having genetic testing done because as shocking as it is there is a link between cancer and our heritage. (I KNOW I FOR ONE AM ASTOUNDED BY THIS INFORMATION *just a hint of sarcasm*) Although the type of cancer my mom had is usually linked with the BRCA1 gene (which apparently is linked to hormones ) she was given a positive test for BRCA2. She told me of this news and said that I now have a 50% chance of also having the gene and getting the testing done. I felt that it was the right step for me mostly in the fact that my grandma had breast cancer in both her breasts...my mom had it so my chances are probably pretty high to get it. If I have the gene I'll get extra testing and screening, doesn't that make sense? Catch it early...or be given the chance to remove the tissue that could catch it? Hell ya....I felt empowered and like information is power so I get to make the choice of weather I die or not from this disease.
Apparently not so much....I was diagnosed with the BRCA2 gene as well, and while I feel somewhat empowered. I also feel somewhat cheated, cheated out of that bliss of well I might get it but I'll worry about that when it comes.
HA HA HA...since I was a little girl I've worried...apparently at the age of 2 yrs old I was terrified my mother wouldn't come back from the store and I would follow her out to the street. I don't follow her anymore but I worry about everything and its a horrible thing. It's ruining my closest relationships (worry not the gene)
For some positives, I'm thankful I live in Canada and have "free" healthcare, so that I don't have to worry about where the money is going to come from for these tests. I'm thankful that I get the extra testing and not just the knowledge that I have the gene and we'll see what happens. I'm also thankful that two years ago I decided to get woman's cancer insurance through my bank and while not a whole lot of help it's something and something is ALWAYS better then nothing (itleast that's what I keep telling myself) While I don't think it's legal for insurance companies to not give you insurance or even ask if you have the genetic marker, I think it could be cause for them to charge you a higher premium. I'm really not sure but I'm glad I got it when I did. No extra charges and I'm covered a little more financially should I get cancer.
Now how am I feeling about the whole thing? At the moment it's really hard to say, I've got so many other things going on in my life but I do think it's putting more stress on me then need be. My own fault I know, having the marker doesn't really "mean" anything...doesn't mean I'll get cancer or that I won't. It just....kind of is...I mean like having blonde hair doesn't mean you'll have the perfect life. Nor does it mean you won't...it just means you have blonde hair. I go for my first mamogram and what not in May...so I'll find out more then I assume. Until next time friends!
